have you ever sensed an internal stirring of the Spirit, which ignites the desire to do "something" that is entirely outside of your comfort zone? this "something" is so outside of your comfort zone that the very thought of it makes you your heart rate increase and your palms feel sweaty.
i am that person and i have those Spirit-stirred desires. desires so big that i know that i could never accomplish them with my own puny resources. so, i refuse to try because i am so afraid of failure and what others might think of me when i try and fail.
this summer, while i was attending a school in north carolina, the time was right for Father to reveal that, for me, it's not just a fear of failure or what others might think of me, but it's a matter of "unbelief"--a matter of not being inwardly convinced of the truth of his incredible love for me.
from bible teacher, larry crabb, i received a great "word picture" of what this kind of response to God's perfect love might look like. imagine yourself standing on a very high cliff, and looking down into the abyss below, you see the thing you fear most. now, imagine yourself making the choice to jump with abandon, trusting that Father's rope of perfect will catch you before you reach the thing you fear most. for me, this is a great description of "belief," which is the opposite of "unbelief."
this blog is evidence that when i jumped off the high cliff and stared into the abyss of what i fear most, Father's strong rope of perfect love caught me.
thank you, my precious Father, for revealing the truth of your love for me, and granting me the courage to jump!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
presence
never would i have understood the gift of "presence" apart from experiencing it for myself during a crisis of my faith.
my circumstances had felt grim for far too many months. . .no wonder st. john of the cross describes it as "the dark night of the soul." i began to question whether god had forgotten about me or if he really cared about me at all. intellectually, i knew he possessed the power to bring me much-needed relief from my suffering, but would he?
in the middle of my "dark night," a friend moved toward me, and i knew in my heart that she really cared about me. she asked simple questions about how these circumstances felt to me and how they were impacting my body, soul, and spirit. she listened with her heart as i shared about my weariness and doubt. i felt no judgment from her, nor did she make an attempt to try to "fix" what was wrong. instead, i felt listened to, cared about, & that she was willing to just sit with me in the middle of my misery. that time with her brought such a season of refreshing to this weary traveler.
my spiritual friend, franciscian priest richard rohr, wrote about "presence" in his book, job & the mystery of suffering. he said, "when we are understood, when we feel another person really cares, it's surprising how the problem, for the most part, can fade. we don't need the answer any more. the mere fact that someone is carrying the burden with us, walking with us on the journey, for some unbelieveable reason--it's not logical at all--takes care of much of the problem."
i want to be a friend like that. . .a friend who really cares, and is willing to lay aside judgment, a need to compare my life experiences with another, a need to "spiritualize" another's circumstances. . .and to learn to be simply present and still. we all need friends like that. . .it just might feel like being with jesus "with skin on."
my circumstances had felt grim for far too many months. . .no wonder st. john of the cross describes it as "the dark night of the soul." i began to question whether god had forgotten about me or if he really cared about me at all. intellectually, i knew he possessed the power to bring me much-needed relief from my suffering, but would he?
in the middle of my "dark night," a friend moved toward me, and i knew in my heart that she really cared about me. she asked simple questions about how these circumstances felt to me and how they were impacting my body, soul, and spirit. she listened with her heart as i shared about my weariness and doubt. i felt no judgment from her, nor did she make an attempt to try to "fix" what was wrong. instead, i felt listened to, cared about, & that she was willing to just sit with me in the middle of my misery. that time with her brought such a season of refreshing to this weary traveler.
my spiritual friend, franciscian priest richard rohr, wrote about "presence" in his book, job & the mystery of suffering. he said, "when we are understood, when we feel another person really cares, it's surprising how the problem, for the most part, can fade. we don't need the answer any more. the mere fact that someone is carrying the burden with us, walking with us on the journey, for some unbelieveable reason--it's not logical at all--takes care of much of the problem."
i want to be a friend like that. . .a friend who really cares, and is willing to lay aside judgment, a need to compare my life experiences with another, a need to "spiritualize" another's circumstances. . .and to learn to be simply present and still. we all need friends like that. . .it just might feel like being with jesus "with skin on."